I would like to scan in some of the thumbnails I sketched yesterday, but my computer is a mess in the clutter of space that is called a living room. In the new house, I’ve a lot of plans to cover up my walls with my art. I want to buy a cork board for my new work space so I can hang up my sketches. I’ll probably consider framing whatever I can get. When I can, I am going to endeavor in drawing everyday until 2 days before school starts. Those 2 days are reserved for doing nothing.

Life is ill, temporarily, I feel stuck somewhere I know not. Sometimes I forget my daily meditations because I’m so caught up in feeling like a victim of boredom that I just sit and stare. My darling cousins like to bother me now and then. I don’t want to shoot down Nicolas’s questions, but it’s intentionally annoying and it doesn’t help that I’m pms-ing. I hate it when people give me a stupid nickname. I don’t mind Chenny though, it’s a close relative to Tannie anyway. But the boy likes to bug me by calling me boys name and this morning he was bold to say ‘Ashley.’ Yeah, it’s hella funny right? Kids. I hope they don’t lose their innocence too soon. They have a good life I think, their mom hits them sometimes when they’re naughty, but their dad pays attention to them and he plays with them. They go outside and ride bikes together. I look at my own dad and wonder what it would have been like if he wasn’t so emotionally cold. My dad is weird but he’s probably never had that emotional comfort to begin with. In most situations, I think that he doesn’t even try that hard. It’s like in his early life, he’s tried too hard to survive that he lacks the essence to do more now. Actually, I could analyze and analyze, but it’s not going to do me a thing because I’ve experienced nothing.

I’m not afraid to say it, but I’m starting to feel lonely again. In this house of thirteen people, I don’t really find anyone with a common ground. And yeah… it’s not good. I’m forgetting my meditations, as I said before. It’s really hard focus with all the noise. But you know the thing about noise is that there is always silence that follows. Unfortunately, I can’t hear silence. I should pretend I’m even more see-through so that sound waves pass through.

And again, I forget that I have friends. Well, they aren’t very dependable. These people, you can never rely on them to do shit. I’m probably destined to be this way, maybe this is my life lesson. But what I don’t want is to be an old maid forever… :| 

I should do a list for the rest of the year:

1. Get a job
2. Go join a gym
3. Learn tai chi
4. Get that website going
5. Draw something once a day
6. Get into archery again
7. Learn to dance!
8. Learn to swim better
9. Draw the first chapter of the comic and think of a title…
10. Buy Okami by winter..

“Your blog is shit. Learn how to write. Learn correct grammar. Learn to organize your thoughts. Learn how to write a thesis statement and back it up. Most of all, write something interesting. Hope your artistic abilities are better than your writing abilities, or you’re going to have to serve a lot of burgers to pay off those college loans.”

Well first off, “Jake” that’s really obstinate of you to say because that really put me off. I’m obviously not over it because I am posting it. Second off, no one told you to read my shit blog, so thanks, seriously. Be a normal person and click away. Third off, it’s my blog so that means I can be as ditzy as I want. As I type, this is my actual voice instead of a stiff that is so insecure about his grammar that he’s to make it perfect. Oh and I don’t plan to serve burgers, I’d rather drown. Just from your comment, I can tell that you are: insecure, judgemental, and immature. If you wanted to be realistic, you’d have been polite at least a little in your comment. If you argue otherwise then it must be true. Give me a legitimate argument, fucker.

_________________________________________________

I’m still mad/sad, but I want to use the 5D Compassion for this.

+Some random user came along and posted a negative comment.

++From my POV, that really hurt my feelings (I’m extremely oversensitive, any negative comments can really push it), and I’m ANGRY that someone is so unthoughtful, also vamping my energy by making me think about too much.

+ From that dude’s POV, it sounded like he wanted to hurt me. But he is so peeved by my bad grammar that he had to comment. That’s understandable, everybody has things that they don’t like. Such as me, I don’t like an idiot when I see one. (How hypocritical is that?!) What we don’t like is what we don’t want to see in ourselves, so that’s why I said he was insecure…

+ From a third POV, this guys is a jerk, but she shouldn’t be put off by just one comment. What doesn’t kill you can only make you stronger. 

+ The world is my mirror. Who have I hurt recently? I don’t know, it might be unbeknowist to me, I don’t intentionally hurt people’s feelings, maybe my critiques at school are too hard core. I admit that I have a lot of standards when I look at other people’s drawings, I might have posted something unthoughtful too. I kind of asked this too when my knee sprained, but I let it go because I really have no clue. Maybe someone in SF, but she hurts herself in ways that I can’t stop. Or in a previous time frame, I was a real bitch so now, the dog is biting back.

Edit #2: I just realized I said something to my friend Susie 2 nights ago. I said, “95% of the people you meet are people you don’t like.” I believed it. So maybe, just by the fact that I wrote (words carry strong meaning) those, it’s coming true. On 2 levels: I believe, but I know it’s not true. Most people you meet right away are not assholes. I’d like to thank my offender for helping me realize this mistake. I’ve many mistakes that I seem to overlook because I’m only looking in one direction. And I really can’t help the way I talk, so I might as well like the unique aspect of the way I think.

But y’know, now I feel better. People get bogged down by shit all the time. Isn’t it sad how it’s other people that make life into an issue? I’m not alone, there’s someone out there who has also got a similar comment. And that guy is not a threat, I just deleted his comment. I don’t deserve stuff like this though, the next time, I’m going to open a can of WHOOP-ASS! Just kidding.

Reality is how you make it, so if you’re really focused on stupid people then you will see stupid people all the time. Maybe if “Jake” looks for people with good grammar, a thesis, organized thoughts, and interesting topics, he will find people with good grammar, a thesis, organized thoughts, and interesting topics. There, I said it. It’s not that I don’t care, but I wished for more challenges because you have a potentially to reach an even higher level if you can over come it. That way, I can face my fears. Hooray for David Hawkins.

I’ve been staying at my sister and her boyfriend’s place for about 3 days now, probably a few days longer. They just bought a Wii, the second to last piece left on the shelf. It sounds great, but unfortunately, I’ve been playing too much of it. But I finished my final just today for color and design. I might as well post it up since I can’t for anything else.

For my final project, I illustrated a comic book style scene called, “The Witche’s Tree House.” The use of analogous colors of green, green-blue, and blue is to create a calming and yet mysterious atmosphere; contrary to the title it is meant to be serene. The complementary colors red and red-orange is used to offset what was inside the forest before the group of characters entered into the lively green forest. For this piece, I used atmospheric perspective concepts, the furthest away is the lightest, and the closest objects are darkest. The focal point is the doorway on the ground in the picture, and the characters lead to that point. The trees to the side are used to frame the entire picture and the to keep eyes from wandering outside. This was done in guoache paint.
It’s 8.5×11 inches, so it’s quite big. No standard scanner can get the whole thing…. I had to take some close ups with my digi cam.

Updates on my knee, my dad is planning to take me to the doctor to get an x-ray to see nothing wrong. Honestly, it worries me because it feels weird and I can’t stretch out my leg fully. And it feels achy, I’m still limping, except I don’t need crutches anymore. I hope its only a bruised knee. Maybe if it healed straight, I wouldn’t be thinking about it so much. I almost cried because I really don’t want to walk like a peg-leg.

 1) the blessings you were born with, advantages, good fortune, your personal bounty

• I’ve got 2 parents that care
• I’m not allergic to anything, maybe a little seafood, but that was a long time ago.
• I’m not ugly… hahaha
• I have a natural talent for drawing, writing, and cooking
• I’m not living in a dump… ^_^
• I’m not poor
• People always take care of me wherever I go

2) gifts you’ve earned and gifts you’ve nurtured

• Boo Boo has given me: hugs, kisses, migraines, and ideas
• My sister bought me: sketchbooks, pencils, oil pastels, prismacolor pencils, a desk easel, a 30 gb ipod
• My dad got me: glasses, seagate 250 gb ex. hard drive, I guess you can include a room…, Raphael Stuffie (TMNT — trying to get rid of a certain turtle), and 3 other turtle stuffies, a desk, a lamp, a bookcase, printer/scanner/copy machine
• Too many different people got me stuff animals
• My brother gave me: his hand me downs when I was 4-8 yrs old (haha), Sicune, knowledge and steps to wisdom
• My mom: … clothes? I don’t know which ones anymore, but they’re mostly red/pinks/oranges for some reason
• Andrea: personal letters and postcards, stickers
• Nate: insight
• Aemer: letters and greetings
• Susie has given me: X-mas cards, fun times, a canvas painting of Naruto char, pen nibs and inks, indian inks
• Nguyen has given me: fun times, hugs, apples, nectarines, ice cream, M&M’s, amber spray, juniper lotion, knit socks, rides
• Spam: Bday greetings, a dark blue knit hat to fight the cold, rides, hugs
• Donald: 2 yr old strawberry black tea, there’s… more? but I can’t remember
• Khang: a really neat plaid, brown scarf; mini-gundam (but he’s missing an arm! -_-)
• Dan: $10 for my bday, hamburgers
• Johnny: A chicken, Nissan noodles, attitude
• Alan: (see above), Kapibara-san, See’s candies, his internet
• Kim: a pair of gloves, a tank top, coconut hand sanitizer, hugs
• Kathy: hugs, candies, this cute little green stocking
• Visarut: Lots and lots of inspiration
• Mr. Clark: a calendar page featuring 3 poodles conspiring to kill their owner
• Ms. Nesbit: Bath & Body Works spray, lotion, the messager thinger, and brownies and cookies
• Ms. Mai & Ms. Lyon: time
• Chase Wang & SPJA peoples: opportunities

3) then those of which just appeared. However they’ve come to you, these gifts can lead you to live an inspired inner and outer life.

• Missing things that come back
• this summer’s internet thanks to my neighbors
• people lending me their laptops
• Shocks and surprises
• Adventure
• life has shown me random people
• wake up calls
• life

Yes, so I realize, I haven’t really posted any drafts or roughs.. I really can’t because I’m borrowing my aunt’s laptop. I’m homeless and also computer-less. It’s not as bad as it sounds… Actually, yes. Yes it is. Forget it, for once I’m going to say, I really hate my situation. I hate it because I’ve no privacy and my right leg is fucked.  Not only that but I paid $40 something dollars for shipping (to and back as well as an extra folder) for my art portfolio for color and design. I was scolded by means that I couldn’t help and I cried. I think I just “woke up” again. I’m having trouble staying focus with the real world… Sometimes I forget my mind likes to dwell and give me problems. I’ve no house because we sold it and are looking for something in Temecula. We’re hoping to buy a really good house, good feng shui, etc. Staying at Grandma’s is uncomfortable because I can’t do too much, most of my things are put in storage. My mother complains too much. And my dad ….I dunno. 

The upside: my knee is healing, I should be able to walk normally by the end of this week. I might get to see Batman soon when I’m done with school. Summer classes end on the 6th of August. I don’t dislike kids. My cousins can be fun to be with. I’ve learned valuable lessons. I guess there’s a questions to ask, why a guy doesn’t think before he acts… strange impulses, he just had to push. My knee bruised up quite largely, and it was just disgusting…

Anyway, I have one picture, this is actually a final piece that I’m turning in for C&D:

mandala featuring the 4 directional deities

I suck at mat cutting, but it was a freaking circle… took me an hour to cut through. :\ 

For some reason, I am so focused on Genbu, Seiryuu, Suzaku and Byakko. I put them on a lot of my art.. maybe in a past life I thought about them a lot too…

So I said I was going to point out the reasons for not going to Art Center. My visit on new student night was quite pleasant. On campus, it had a lot of foliage, something that I admire in a school, quite a big campus — although I was online in one area. They had 2 separate campuses and a lot of parking space… I think. Unfortunately, they don’t offer dorming but the admissions wrote that they would offer help in searching for apartments nearby. There was a city down the hills. On the drive there, I saw many many residential homes that were on the hills, Art Center is way up there somewhere in Pasadena. They looked like rich homes, I especially loved the drive back. The road was lined up with classic black light posts, the ones with the square-type of lamp, you might see them in downtown areas.

During the introduction they were explaning some things and doing a presentation, showing us pictures from several departments. I liked the idea about how they were going to teach students. Many art schools offer foundation classes, but this is where Art Center differs from other art schools. They don’t have foundation classes, that’s why it’s important that you pick a major as soon as you enroll so that you can jump right into the action. Some people can finish in 2 to 3 years, they have a year-round program I think. I’m not sure how they work. A lot of the work they give you is pretty much hands on. Going to school is 5 days a week. It’s right next to LA so they keep up with modern technologies and art in everyday, etc. Classes will most likely be close knit because you’ll be sticking to your department.

At AAU is different. My decision in going here, I can say, was a good choice. I’m going to have to be picky with them though. The office is old school and sometimes they’ll make you incredibly confused. I just think sometimes that they admissions counselor was an idiot for making me take intro to computers for macs. It was a waste, it was like I was taking computer graphics in high school all over again except we were using macs. About computers: I plan on sticking to my Sony Vaio because it’s still in good use, been with me for 3 years — it’s been handed down so it’s been with the family for 5 years total, and it’s not like photoshop would make my works less than satisfactory. Macs are like… when your computer is shit and you gotta get a new one, or when you’ve signed into big company and they require for you to use industry standard stuff, or like when you feel like being excessive. I should like a Mac anyways, at least for my dad because it’s easy to use and he’ll have a better time with it than a PC.

So AAU has as good teachers as any art school, I think, because the only reason I love it here so much is that I’m learning so much from them. I’ve no complaints to any teacher that I have. College really is a business, you might as well milk all you can because of the large sum your paying. This year I have loaded up on so much loans, I’m not telling how much but I can say, it’s been a pain with money. That’s the only problem, all my stress pimples come up because of my financial instability. Even online is a good learning experience, even though the instructors teach less, the assignments that they give you is pretty good. I’ve had some fun doing my stuff even though I get lazy now and then. The whole learning experience online is dependent on you, the student, so if you want to get good, that means putting in the hours, it’s the same in class. I see a lot of students how turn in mediocre work. I often wonder why when they are paying so much.

I’d written this July 17, but I like totally forgot about this… I’m lazy so whatever I forgot to leave out, oh well.

Missing the last three panels because my camera died right when I clicked it… sigh… Oh well. I didn’t realize that the camera didn’t take it until too late. Well, these are good resume builders aren’t they? I didn’t quite realize that Zelda Wang’s copyright on the characters were still there, so maybe some people think she did them.. haha.. I wouldn’t be surprised, but I didn’t know you could modify the mascots really. In the end, they belong to AX, which I don’t mind because they aren’t my characters. I guess it’s not that weird that I wouldn’t care less what I drew for these people because the original base stuff like the character design doesn’t belong to me. I knew this when I signed up. One thing to add though, is that I value hard work so any effort I put in is genuine. Like… all art assignments that I get, I put in a lot of effort. It took me a long time to put all these together, and that’s why I’m so proud.

On the other hand, I care about my own creations a lot, so I’m skeptical about putting them on for show online. >< I shouldn’t be scared though, I guess you gotta take chances, right?

So I’ve gone to Anime Expo on Thursday and Saturday. It wasn’t too bad this year, I think there was only 34,000 attendees on day 2 or exceeds that, but last year was over 41,000 people. I know it was because of SKIN. I had no idea who the other guests of honors were besides the Pokemon director, in which I don’t remember his name. But I did see Shokotan in concert, I didn’t know who she was, but she’s so cute. Energetic Japanese girls are cute, if they’re too sweet, it’s over doing it sometimes… Her singing was okay, but I’m not sure if it was her natural voice sometimes, because it would have a distinct “low” key that some Japanese singers do…. I dunno. I only saw the last 10 minutes.. haha… we ended up going to eat and then to a room to pick up tickets, but no one was there to give it to me and my friend, so we left because they said it was being passed out. Sometimes… It gets so disorganized and shifty…. sigh..

I’m kind of changing my taste in music, some j-rockers like dir en grey don’t even appeal to me anymore, as for Miyavi, he’s still good eye-candy but I don’t like his style all too much. Yoshiki will probably be well liked for a long time though because he does elegant classical music. I’m a huge Goldfrapp fan now, they make me wanna dance~! And they always have crazy-cool music videos.

Anyway, I saw my banners at the exhibit hall doors — I was so proud… It was great to see my hard work paid off, y’know? And there was also the bg for the custom photos that the AX photographer was doing. Whatever was cute was mine. Haha… it seems that I can do cute things quite well and effortlessly. I’ll upload my work when I have some more free time.

Speaking of cute, one of my friends bought a panda hat at a vendor. They’re expensive, but sooooo adorable. Price does vary with whatever kind you get…. wish I could buy one, but I’ve splurged on other things all ready, when you’re a college student, everything is must be done in moderation….

Anyway, it’s not that big of a surprise, but damn, I didn’t do anything here for about a month besides that poem I just submitted. But limited internet = no interest in internet. That’s how it is. I’ve been doing some school projects, so I can post things. Oh my goodness. But I apologize for not posting anything for my own interests.. Right now, I’m in a tight spot. About to move again. You get tired, but I can either a) complain and mope about it or b) just deal with it as it goes since it’s all ready happening. I go with “b.”

So I found out that Art Center doesn’t do online learning. I needed that so bad, and I understand it’s crucial to be in school for long periods of time but 5 days a week is a little much for me. Well… it’s the really the gas bill that bothers me. Fountain Valley to Pasadena is around 1 and half hours. That’s terrible when you’re not living in L.A. — it would have been an easier commute but no… I’ll be going to Elk Grove.. or someone near San Jose or Sacramento where my parents will find comfort in a Vietnamese community. I understand and I will not complain. Life’s tough when your dad is unemployed, your mom is working 60 hours and paying for a big old house they’re not even finished paying for. I’ll miss my friends for sure, I find value in them like I have never before, indeed they are valuable to me and dear in my heart. Some would be surprised though… if they heard me. But people are just valuable in general — there are mean people, yes — but still valuable. If I could explain it, I would, but it’s hard to.

And Tannie is a chameleon, she can shapeshift into any environment.

I’ve been taking color and design and creative writing. Some stuffs:

I’m quite tired from swimming earlier today. At another time, I’ll explain what I learned while at Art Center and why I still like AAU

It’s incredibly hot at home, but thank god there is a swimming pool in our backyard. Anyways, I’ve been internet handicap for a while, although I shouldn’t say this but right now someone has not protected their router. But I’m internally grateful because how else will I attend online summer school?

A poem for now:

My Daemon

I take it to heart that
my Soul has been handed to me
in the shape of a fuzzy,
purple and green turtle.

He demands full attention and love.

Perching atop my shoulders,
he squawks of silly, stupid things,

jumps up my head tugging my hair,
and looks at me with beady eyes.

But I swat him away…
he merely hides in my blankets
like a gopher critter.

Rolling my eyes, finally,
I hand him hugs and kisses,
in which he shuts up for a moment,
and I get quiet peace.