I would like to scan in some of the thumbnails I sketched yesterday, but my computer is a mess in the clutter of space that is called a living room. In the new house, I’ve a lot of plans to cover up my walls with my art. I want to buy a cork board for my new work space so I can hang up my sketches. I’ll probably consider framing whatever I can get. When I can, I am going to endeavor in drawing everyday until 2 days before school starts. Those 2 days are reserved for doing nothing.
Life is ill, temporarily, I feel stuck somewhere I know not. Sometimes I forget my daily meditations because I’m so caught up in feeling like a victim of boredom that I just sit and stare. My darling cousins like to bother me now and then. I don’t want to shoot down Nicolas’s questions, but it’s intentionally annoying and it doesn’t help that I’m pms-ing. I hate it when people give me a stupid nickname. I don’t mind Chenny though, it’s a close relative to Tannie anyway. But the boy likes to bug me by calling me boys name and this morning he was bold to say ‘Ashley.’ 😐 Yeah, it’s hella funny right? Kids. I hope they don’t lose their innocence too soon. They have a good life I think, their mom hits them sometimes when they’re naughty, but their dad pays attention to them and he plays with them. They go outside and ride bikes together. I look at my own dad and wonder what it would have been like if he wasn’t so emotionally cold. My dad is weird but he’s probably never had that emotional comfort to begin with. In most situations, I think that he doesn’t even try that hard. It’s like in his early life, he’s tried too hard to survive that he lacks the essence to do more now. Actually, I could analyze and analyze, but it’s not going to do me a thing because I’ve experienced nothing.
I’m not afraid to say it, but I’m starting to feel lonely again. In this house of thirteen people, I don’t really find anyone with a common ground. And yeah… it’s not good. I’m forgetting my meditations, as I said before. It’s really hard focus with all the noise. But you know the thing about noise is that there is always silence that follows. Unfortunately, I can’t hear silence. I should pretend I’m even more see-through so that sound waves pass through.
And again, I forget that I have friends. Well, they aren’t very dependable. These people, you can never rely on them to do shit. I’m probably destined to be this way, maybe this is my life lesson. But what I don’t want is to be an old maid forever… 😐
I should do a list for the rest of the year:
- Get a job
- Go join a gym
- Learn tai chi
- Get that website going
- Draw something once a day
- Get into archery again
- Learn to dance!
- Learn to swim better
- Draw the first chapter of the comic and think of a title…
- Buy Okami by winter.. 😀