Daily Manifestations of Life

So, I am in my shower this morning and I think about watching Heroes online on Tuesday and it seems that all those people with special powers want only to have a “normal” life. And I thought to myself, if I had a child, I would want him/her to be happy more than they are normal. Because who is to say that normal = happy. In some cases, it does not. People who have normal lives don’t wish for more excitement and people who are super wish to be normal. Normal is boring, so boring means a dissatisfaction. Satisfaction doesn’t really equal happiness, its just that feeling you get when you accomplish something. Although the two are so very close to each other, it is hard to tell. Happiness can be achieved outside of achievement. Say that you are watching a movie, and you find a certain seen that makes you happy, you’re not doing anything but watching that seen. So I hope I am not confusing in that part.

I also did not buy enough canvases and I went to Joann’s this Wednesday morning because I was looking into fabrics and sewing too. I feel like I have my hands full, but yeah, when you feel like doing something, just do it. So… its fucking expensive, and I will not go back to either Joann’s or Michaels because it is WAY expensive. Fuck you, big companies and your overpriced stuff. But I bought 2 out of desperation because there is no art supply store for miles around. 😦 But I like their fabric, however, I’m just a n00b, so the next time, I’m going to Walmart. (But I went to Walmart this morning, I guess they don’t have a wide range of things.)

And I’ve been inspired to make my own dress because I went to Yesstyle.com and they sell Japanese, Korean, and Chinese clothing for men and woman. I was looking at the dresses and see that most of it is for flat chested girls. Now, I didn’t want to be stereotypical but I guess they’re chests sizes are one size smaller in the US, so I found nothing that fit me perfectly and I was afraid that I might have to ship it back if I made a mistake. Oh poo. Normally, you should be proud of having a big chest, but if you don’t fit any of the cute clothes, wtf…  -_- I am a girl at heart.


I am so tired. I’m not really sure if I should cave in and drink coffee so  that I can finish my schoolwork. It doesn’t really feel like there are that many assignments. But they take at least 5 or more hours per exercise, or sometimes it does. So, I’ve been trying to do all class assignments in one day because I only have 4 classes. The problem lies within having 3 studio classes and only one language arts. Not only that, but the parents are in Vietnam having a great vacation that they deserve, and I am at home house-sitting. I am not being bitter because I know that my mom is the only one working and she used to work for 60+ for 5+ years.. So… I’m trying to keep the kitchen clean, my bathroom and the downstairs bathrooms clean, the birdcages clean, Nico clean, and I don’t even have enough time to organize my own room. Oh, and we must not forget my own outside-of-school projects. I’m also trying to sew. I’m also feeding myself, dinner takes 1 hour to cook and 30 minutes to eat. I take a lot of inbetween breaks during hw too, but I hate to be interrupted so I try to stay on the hw for at least 3 hours. That never works out. I’m tired. And I’m running out of ideas for my thumbnails. SIGH.

This just makes me realize how dependent I am on my parents to keep their part of the house clean while I do my thing. My dad is the one who cleans everything, and he cooks most, if not all the time. He takes care of Nico and the birds. I’m not going to have a pet until I’m ready, that’s for sure. Its so much responsibility. You have to walk it, feed it, play with it… Time that I don’t seem to have. I don’t even have a part-time job! T_T

I’ve been depressed again on and off. It’s really bad. It might be because I am alone. It might be because I get pissed off at the dog pretty often because she is so naughty. I really want to hit her silly, but even then, she is a stubborn little sh*t. And it might also be because I’m bored and that I wish I had no responsibilities or had to go to school for that matter.  The funny thing is, I just want people to give me peace, but at the same time I don’t want to be alone. I used to think it would be easy to be a hermit, it is actually very difficult because no matter what I would need some kind of social sanity to keep me going. Valentines day kind of passed and I forgot it very easily. That day is kind of nonexistent, kind of like my love life… or the lack of.. haha. Hyeah…


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