I actually found this lying around my room after coming back to my room in January. And I just totally realized, I have a lot of butterflies in my room… haaha… Not actually butterflies but I had an urge to spice up my plain walls with stick on mirrors from Kohls. It did not occur to me at the time but I guess Butterfly has come into my life. They are not angels, though they have wings. To me, they symbolize a different kind of freedom. From a catarpillar, they turn into a this creature. They symbolize metamorphosis. My life has been changing a lot recently since my move to SF. It was a very bold move, but something that I had to do even if my family was struggling to make ends meet. Changing and fleeting. But also, the flap of it’s wings can create a hurricane somewhere. A small change can make a big difference. I dunno why I forget these things, but I’ve become much better at reading symbols and signs that come to my life thanks to Tarot cards. I hope some more good changes are on it’s way. I feel like there is a change in my from the inside. Well, who knew?
My mom tells me she should be retiring but can’t. And it makes me very sad. I think before I had returned to my parents and stayed in Berkeley, I would have tried so much harder to be successful. It wouldn’t have been for myself though, it would have been for the family. So I wonder if I would have been happy either way. Do I still want to be a concept artist? A quote from Daniel Docieu when he came for “Industry on Campus” just a week ago: “There’s a lot of money to be made…” And that’s what I thought. But economy sucks now. I still believe that if I should take anybody’s money, it should be well worth it to them. I’m not avarice. One thing Jesus has taught me that “all is vanity.” Experience life and materialism while you can, but remember what your purpose in life is. Most people who are on their deathbeds say, the #1 thing they regret the most is not having left something meaningful behind.
Today, I saw a horse in the clouds. I think it might have been a unicorn, though I’m not sure. I tried to capture it’s essence in my sketchbook. The wind distorted the clouds so very quickly, I’m glad I got it down… Well, I’m pretty affected by my creature design class.
The other night I dreamt about splicing dogs into Cerberus, which is what I’m trying to do this week…
Will be posting some John Singer Sargent stuff laters.